THIS IS A PLACE FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING 
My Message to the World~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~STORIES~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Everybody who has a dog cal ls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call mine "Sex". Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "but this is a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid! When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too". One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have sex on T.V." He called me a show-off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said "Me too." Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said, "I am looking for Sex." My case comes up Friday. Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in. Daughter: Mother, where do babies come from? Mom: Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey. Daughter: Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that? Mom: Jewelry, dear. FUNNY STORIES!!! Women?!?!?... No Way!!!.... There was a guy walking down the street in San Fransisco, and he tripped over an old looking oil lamp. He picked it up and hid it under his jacket, because he thaught it was priceless. While he was running to the antique shop to cash this puppy in it rubbed against his shirt. *POOF* A genie popped out of his pocket!!! The very angry looking Genie said, "Alright, I have had enough with this three wish stuff, and 'cuz you stole me away from my HBO Special, I will only give you one wish!" The suprised man said, " OK, I want to live in Hawaii in a huge condo on the beach with three million dollars in the master bedroom, but I am afraid of boats and planes so I want you to build a bridge from here to Hawaii." The genie replied with a smirk, " Are you crazy? Do you know how long that will take, with the pillars going down to the bottom of the ocean, all the cement it would take for the hiway? No I'm sorry, it just can't happen." The man said with a smile, "Fine then, I want to understand women." The genie said, " Would you like two lanes or four?"*** One day a neighbor of the blonde's go over to her house and sees the blonde crying and asked her what had happened and the blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and settled her down a little and then left. The next day the neighbor went back over to the house and found the blonde crying again. She asked her why she was crying again. The blonde replied with, "I just got off of the phone with my sister, her mother died too! A pirate strolls into his favorite bar and the bartender says, "Whoa, dude, what happened to you?" The pirate says, "What do you mean?" The bartender says, "Well, for starters, you never used to have a peg leg." "Oh, that," replies the pirate. "Well, you see, we had a sea battle and a cannon ball blew off my leg. But the ship's surgeon fixed me up with this peg leg and I'm as good as new." "Well, what about the hook?" asks the barkeep. "We had another sea battle and some guy lopped off my hand," the pirate explains, "but the ship's surgeon fixed me up with this hook and now I'm as good as new!" "What about the eye patch?" asks the bartender. "One day I was on the top mast keeping watch," says the pirate, "when an albatross flew over and pooped in my eye." The bartender is incredulous. "You mean to tell me that bird poop will put out your eye?" "Well," the pirate explained, "this happened shortly after I got the hook." Sign My Guestbook
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